I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
