I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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