i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
