So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
