"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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