I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
