if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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