The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
