i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
