the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
