Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
