I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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