I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
