Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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