Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All the doctor said was why
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
