oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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