Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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