she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
