it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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