Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Say something about gay babies.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
