How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
