# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize