So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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