i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
