no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
