broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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