last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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