Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
