Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Vodka?
Forever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
