You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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