...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My ass is underappreciated
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
