I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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