Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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