I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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