Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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