Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
