You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
