Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
