i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
whose parrot is this?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
