I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize