Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize