All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
