WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this will be a night to untag.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
