If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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