Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
