I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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