Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
