the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize