just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
