The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
