he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
