My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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