i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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