I have demons in me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
