I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
