I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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