i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
