If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
