you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
