One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
