Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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