this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
