I just threw up on my dentist
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
