I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We need to get me chipped asap
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
