it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
