So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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